A Certain Mental Isekai (Raildex SI) (2024)

"So, what is this strange thing you wish to exhume?" asked the Archbishop. "Science is a matter far beyond me, to my passing regret; just as magic is a matter beyond the vaunted Chairman of yours."

I'd mentioned it was a Valdosaurus- she was talking use cases, I assumed. "It's a historical resource- or rather, a pre-historic resource- that will make a useful contribution to our understanding of the Isle of Wight's history," I said, making an effort to couch it in terms that a politician would find somewhat comprehensible. "A larger dataset can be used for all sorts of purposes. More information on Valdosaurus would make for a great museum display, but any new information on the past gives us more data points for predicting the future."

I considered what would be particularly salient, for a moment.

"Take the ecological crisis," I said, which wasn't anywhere near a guarantee if I was speaking to a politician but ho-hum. "Valdosaurus was the one lineage that survived an ecological crisis in its own time, so it's a wonderful data point. Academy City's done a lot to mitigate the damage, but we still need to know more, and this will help."

Archbishop Lola laughed. "Why, arguing a dinosaur will help save the world? An audacious argument- but I wouldn't know enough to argue, and it sounds convincing," she said, more cheerful than I'd have anticipated. "It does not sound like you are being unreasonable."

Get working directory- personal, sensory.
Save to memory.

That cheer was something I could check later… I had my suspicions it was a facade, and for more reasons than just paranoia (such as understanding basic politics), but a collective mental model would be more reliable than my own opinions.

"I hear you've also been making an impression on our noble Knight Leader," she continued. "I have heard some muttering about a duel, yes?"

"We can take him!" shouted Sakuragi, over my shoulder, causing Index to make one of those dully-startled 'bleh' noises sometimes heard, as her focus on the call was interrupted. Ah, Sakuragi, you precious tone-deaf organism… Iizumi wasted no time in dragging her loudly-protesting teammate away from the call.

"It's something we briefly discussed," I said, as if Sakuragi hadn't interjected. "Academy City lacks a sparring culture, so a spar is something a number of our girls are interested in- and, as a part of our unofficial research program, it would be useful to have some basis for cooperative policing," I advised, "if magic and science keep spilling into each other. Which I only expect to continue in the near future."

"And here I thought the bathtubs that the good Chairman keeps gifting me were the worst of such crossover between the two aspects of our societies!" said Lola, amused. "And that was quite enough for me… They're very complex devices, you know? It must take people of unusual intellect to work both science and magic at once…"

"Cultural artefact, I'd suspect," I said, rejecting her hypothesis. "Unfamiliarity and whatnot. I'd have just as much trouble with a theoretical magic bathtub, and not just for the general 'exploding esper' reasons…"

"Hmm. Perhaps that's true," the Archbishop replied. She paused, putting on an expression of deep thought. "Hmm. Say, Shokuhou-chan…" I carefully turned off my external cringe reaction at the dissonance between her intense look, formal dictation, and the words coming out of her mouth. "...How," she asked me, "do you care for your hair?"

I blinked. "...I beg your pardon?" I asked, not quite sure what she meant.

"Your hair is surprisingly lovely- perhaps even comparable to my own," she said, with a briefly-mischievous look on her face, "but from the way you style it… It seems as though you put both great care into it, and no care at all. You can tell a lot about a girl from the way she styles her hair, but I must admit, I am both perplexed and intrigued in this case."

The conversation had drawn in most of us, sort of clustering around the phone now- the exceptions being Kamijou and not-Unabara, who were still covered in mud on a cliff somewhere. Michan was opposite me, and she raised an eyebrow at me, wordlessly communicating 'I told you so' at my complete lack of investment in fashion. I calculated the precise angle of eyebrow-raising I could use to get away with returning 'so what?' without disrupting my current conversation, and applied it.

"Why, I spend a great deal of time each night, combing the moonlight into my hair!" she said. "Yet Aleister tells me that the ultra-violet light will turn me bald if I keep doing it… if that were true, I would not get such results. Your own hair has a certain radiance to it, as well- how does the Science Side do it?"

My attention caught on something she'd said. But I'd answer her question first. "Powers, basically. You know how hair is dead tissue? It can only be repaired by outside actions. And since it's full of hyper-durable chemicals like keratin and melanin," I said, "it's mostly the mechanical side of things that needs to be maintained. I can use my powers to make sure my hair doesn't absorb too much water and get damaged by the expansion. There's also the matter of hair oil," I added- "both combing and cheating with powers can redistribute it down the hair, which helps prevent build-up and waterproofs the hair. Like how birds preen."

"So my preening does serve some useful purpose, to the all-seeing eye of science, hmm?" said Lola, mildly amused.

"Most likely, yes," I agreed. "You should keep doing it if it works…"

I glanced up at the mild movement in my peripherals. Michan, having gotten mildly self-conscious on hearing our conversation, had pulled out a comb from her overly-fashionable handbag.

"Though, if the Chairman's commenting on something like that… Do you and him chat a lot?" I asked politely, returning to what had distracted me a moment ago.

She chuckled. "Not often, my dear Shokuhou-chan, but I would not be surprised if I'd made up half of that recluse's conversation for the past year," said the Archbishop, and I tried not to show my full interest in this. So the lack of people who'd seen or met him was more than just a bias against those people getting near me… "Is it normal for men of your city to be so paranoid?"

"Well, there's credible rumours that one of the chairmen spends all his time in a suit of powered armour," I readily admitted. "And one of the directors who recently stepped down-" Due to being murdered by Accelerator and Meltdowner for attacking them, and also for being a child-murdering cannibal. "-spent his life having gourmet dinners-" Frequently made of people. "-delivered to a constantly-moving underground train. So… I'd say it's very frequent for political leaders, yes. Would the Chairman be more or less paranoid, do you think?"

"I would say more, but it seems that marvellous building of his isn't quite so impenetrable as he thought," the Archbishop mused, tilting her head in thought. "I suppose one wouldn't create a place such as Academy City if one were not willing to take risks. He seems to me the sort to build for the best and to bunker for the worst. While he lacks a bullet train or powered armour, he does have a near-indestructible building and an advanced medical tube of some kind. Supposedly, it could keep him alive for the next millennium."

"That's… certainly the sort of eccentricity I'd expect," I said, and attempted to update my mental image of him. If he was influential enough to be permitted a city inside Tokyo- with the age that implied- and, if he had such life-extending measures, there was no reason to use his current age as a limit on his maximum age… "So, is he a shrivelled-up prune?" I asked.

I successfully startled an open laugh from her- disarmed, briefly. "Why, no! If I had to describe him, I would say… androgynous," she explained. "He has no clear signs of age, but no clear signs of youth, either! I am certain you know enough stories about extending lowly lifespans, instead of preserving the higher body and mind, to know why that is. His hair is almost as lovely as yours, even. Though I wouldn't say it looks comfortable," the Archbishop added. "Given he drifts upside-down in a medical gown, in there…"

"...Huh," I said.

…I hadn't heard of any ageing tech along those lines before. On the other hand, if the relationship between Academy City and the rest of the world was any indicator, he wasn't above hoarding the best stuff for himself.

I made a mental note of the personality traits I'd gleaned- that was enough digging, and I'd used an inflection that had just the right amount of interest to provoke the Archbishop to speak.

"To return to what I said earlier," she said. "A spar between knight and scientist would be of great interest to me. Their constant factionalist meddling in the relationship that the United Kingdom and Academy City share has been a tiring matter since it first started… Based on the reports bequeathed to me, a polite humbling of them at your own faction's hand is certainly not unthinkable."

The way not-Unabara (or rather, Etzali, since we'd been frank at that point) had spoken about the 'Kamijou faction' and 'Shokuhou faction' trickled back into my mind, like the edge of a head wound. I'd seen little of this woman's organisation, but I saw the shape reflected in Magnus' supposed youth and Index's whole existence. I kept my discomfort away from my eyes, and kept my polite alternation of neutrality and mild smiles going.

"Aren't they on your side?" asked Iizumi. "Why'd you want us to beat them up?"

"Even though we can definitely take 'em!" interjected Sakuragi, to her teammates' usual dismay.

"Why, it is very much because we are on the same side that I wish to see you- as the kids put it' -'beat them up'," said Archbishop Lola. "Tell me, has anybody seen fit to inform you of the precise relationship between the disparate factions of Great Britain?"

"Are the Knights part of the Tories?" I deadpanned, with a raised eyebrow, to communicate that I hadn't. Those were the major UK faction on the right, traditionally opposed by the Whigs up until the First World War, at which point Labour took over as the foremost representative of the left wing. "Or is that more the Church on that side? Either way, I didn't get that much detail, no."

"Ah, yes, the 'Tories'," she said, an air of amusem*nt about her as she repeated my words. "No. It would be safer to say that the systems for the plebians are under the umbrella of our own factions, rather than us beneath them. Similar could be said for your Academy City's Board of Directors, arguing dimly beneath the autocracy of the Chairman. After all, doth not science and magic both overwhelm the opinions of the masses?"

In the history I knew, that was an awfully good way to get the opinions of the masses delivered in the form of your favourite guard's head on a spike… or to get them making their own elite and buying politics instead of declaring it. Probably somewhere in the middle for most nations.

"For the most part, such people would be considered the purview of the Royal Faction- the Royal Family and their retainers, who manipulate such individuals' inane campaigning to align with our own plans for the nation," the Archbishop said. "They have power over the Knights faction, who source their power from the Crown, and who watch the Anglican faction with blades half-sheathed; the Anglican faction advises the Royal faction through virtue and insight, and draws practical power from their own sources, tied to the Crown as source of our Church's independent authority.

"Atop that,"

"And their lack of a voice, combined with the backing of people who are anti-science or- I assume- anti-papal, means they're interfering instead?" I commented idly. "And so you'd like to show that their material authority, their force of arms, isn't as strong as people think it is."

Which, of course, would feed into the Archbishop's faction, and the power of their own religious and intellectual authority among the other factions.

The slight, sardonic widening of her smile suggested she'd picked up on what I'd left unstated. "Precisely," she said. "They have been overexerting themselves, and so a minor humbling will help rebalance the nation towards the proper order. Alas, I ought not to see such an event," added Archbishop Lola. "There is much to do in the magical community after our recent small accident-" By which she meant 'the destruction of the basis for much of the Pound Economy's magical prowess by magical terrorists'. "-but I could certainly advise you to attend an event that would give you the opportunity."

"And my presence would be expected, for general political reasons, I assume?" I guessed. That, and both she and the Knight Leader we'd already spoken to would know about our knowledge-gathering project on 'what do we do when espers and magicians do end up mixing'.

"Quite right- though, you will have time to be greeted and see to your scientific discovery here," she said. "I will have a subordinate of mine come pick up you and it both, so that both might retire on time this evening; you ought not to rush, but please be back to the same site by dinnertime. I'm quite charmed to have met you on this fine day! I bid thee well, Miss Shokuhou."

"Archbishop," I replied with a respectful nod.

The call ended. The waves lapped behind our huddle; Index (who'd been quiet throughout) put away her phone, shoving it into her habit.

"...She kind of creeps me out," said Michan. I hummed and nodded.

__________

Given where we'd started, the change in timing wasn't too big an issue. We'd updated our plans to double back rather than get the bus from the other side of the island, but since the same rock layers continued on to the opposite side of the island (save for the dinosaurs, which were only on our current side of the beaches), it wasn't going to put a dent in our plans.

Kamijou and not-Unabara, when updated on our decisions, decided that they'd stick to the clifftops to keep scouting- not-Unabara over not wanting to be caught out again, Kamijou because he'd considered his luck and decided that he'd rather risk some nice grassy seaside fields than quicksand, tides, algae-covered rocks and so on.

Naturally, when we regrouped, he and not-Unabara had picked up a number of stinging-nettle welts in addition to mud, clay and stream water. Apparently this was in part because Kamijou had almost tripped on a wild adder.

Eventually, as tends to happen with fossil-hunting trips, we found ourselves with a lot more beach left to explore, a few people (Yakumaru and Seike) who were approaching the limits of their carrying capacity, and not much more time left before we needed to leave. That meant figuring out exactly how we were extracting our dinosaur from the cliff.

We'd been given permission to remove it, and some vague geological physics estimates and not-Unabara's report on the top of the cliff suggested that if there was any subsidence after we left, it wasn't going to hurt anybody. But that wasn't our real issue.

The real issue was that we were trying to remove a chunk of cliff from underneath it without getting us or the dinosaur splattered by the results of our actions. Our first call for action was, alas, issued to Sakuragi.

"No," I said without hesitation, when she immediately turned her telekinetically-controlled paper into a giant drill.

Our chosen strategy turned out to be a cross-hatched cut using the paper as a saw, to take out a wedge of cliff that contained our fossil. Seike would approach briefly to lower its friction once we'd confirmed it was stable, with a bit of ice where Sakuragi detected any fault lines to minimise the risk of falling rock. Finally, Michan would slide it out carefully, using her liquid metal to act as struts.

The fossil ended up popping out of the cliff face like a banana that had been squeezed too hard in its skin- intact, thanks to our preparations- and it was only the additional paper we'd set out ahead of it that ensured it actually got to the beach in one piece. Seike was perfectly fine, and possibly became the first person to ride a non-avian dinosaur at any significant speed in the process.

It was just as we were finishing up tying it down, commandeering Index and not-Unabara for the incredible power of a hundred thousand evil magic books in order to jury-rig the magical equivalent of plaster to seal the outside of it, when our lift arrived.

It was a big, camo-painted, thick-hulled truck that was either military or owned by somebody who was compensating for something. The woman who stepped out of the front was tall, and did so almost lackadaisically.

She was slender- underweight- and wore tattered rags, to the point I could make out the outlines of some of her ribs beneath. It was the sort of appearance I'd expect from a ghost costume- not a bedsheet ghost, a legitimately well-made one, save maybe for the lack of blood or chains and the fabric. Whatever she was wearing, it seemed to be haphazardly stitched together in clashing washed-out colours of deep blue, pure white, and the occasional pink or purple.

Her hair was a similar colour to Index's, a sort of silver-blue colour that was entirely unfamiliar to my first life. Her hair lacked the same healthy lustre that Index had, in comparison. I could have thought they were related, if not for the rest of her; her skin was a few tones darker, and she had a tall dancer's build that stood in stark contrast to the more square-edged build that Index had.

Also, there were fairly large gaps in the coverage that the stitched-together rags lent her, with enough certain for me to actively question (in the privacy of my own head) whether or not she was wearing underclothes. The confidence in her eyes was thus the sort of confidence needed to wear clothes like that in public: significant, to say the least.

The woman looked over us, eyes half-lidded with sleep deprivation. A skull emblem of some kind sat upon her hat (also bunched rags), and I got the strangest feeling it was looking at me too. "Eh heh heh." Her eyes lingered on the wrapped rock behind us. "So," she said to us, "this is the slab containing a corpse from before the time of man? How intriguing."

"Necromancer?" I asked. She let out an amused half-laugh, and she nodded. "Neat."

Sakibasu leaned over to me. "Uhm, ain't that- necromancers are generally stereotyped as evil magic users, is that not correct?" asked Sakibasu, under her breath.

"Last necromancer I met was lovely," I advised. "World-threateningly naive, but lovely."

She raised an eyebrow at that, before blinking in realisation. "Ah," she said, and I confirmed with a nod that the link she'd made between the Taowu and my prior necromancer contact was indeed the case.

That covered, I turned back to the woman. "Misaki Shokuhou. A pleasure to meet you, Miss…?" I said, asking her name.

"Isabella Theism," she responded good-naturedly. A name like that was a bit on the nose for someone working in a church, but Stiyl f*cking Magnus was apparently a sensible name, so I wasn't going to question whether it was a cover or not.

"So, you, uh, make zombies and stuff?" said Michan, half-raising a hand as she asked her question.

"Why, I'm not one to use something so unrefined as zombie powder! Not to make zombies, anyway," she said. "The living are such a poor substitute for the dead in that respect, yes? I am the Zeroth Parish's expert in producing artificial body doubles and corpses, for training and… other purposes~!"

Isabella looked completely unapologetic about leaving it up to us what we imagined those 'other purposes' to be.

"But in particular," she added, "I am an expert in performing necromancy with the bones and meat of animals- cows, pigs, and the like. I volunteered to drive this vehicle that the Knights sourced when I heard you had the bones of a long-lost monster to be delivered. Why, what is it?"

"Rock by now, mostly," I said. "Might have some collagen?" I glanced at Sakibasu, who nodded, and cut off my excited giggle with a cough before it could get going. I smothered my smile quickly, to resume looking professional. "But yes- somewhere between bird, ostrich and iguana. Mostly bird. If you'd like a look after we've prepared the bones…?"

"It is very difficult to get the full beauty of a skeleton without preparation, isn't it?" said Isabella, nodding. "There's seating and space to spare in the back. As for our preparations for receiving you, Misaki…"

Some of the rags were knotted in a heart-shape- as in the organ, with tasteful stitching to even give the impression of the veins- above her chest in a sort of scarf, and she pulled a small necklace of some kind from it.

"Ah! That's the transkiver doodad?" said Index, eyes lighting up in recognition. She paused. "Tran-see-ver… Transceiver."

"It is!" she said with a nod, and looked back to me. The necklace itself didn't seem complicated, looking more like a tacky plastic thing with a small locket on the end. "These will be serving as both warning bell and alarm, so be sure not to misbehave- Miss Index has been oh-so-generous when helping design them, so they're not particularly nasty, but they'll do," she explained to me. "They'll absorb what you do, and use a combination of Voodoo, Christian magic and witchcraft to let the clerks and clerics track what you try to do to anybody wearing them."

"It's more complicated than that, but yup," confirmed Index, nodding. "You're using your power all the time, right? As long as it's just a little bit, it won't break the lockets, so you don't have to make your powers ignore all the magicians like you have to do with me."

"Ah," I said with a nod. It was certainly less intrusive than the building-scale telepathic shields back in the city, that was for sure. "Sounds sensible to me. Let's get a move on, then?"

There was an assortment of nods from the others, with a happy little hum of agreement from Index, who was surprisingly the least physically-exhausted person here. (Though, given I'd seen her sprinting at full speed in midsummer heat with a heavy habit on, and I knew the sorts of quantities of food she somehow burned off, perhaps Index's physical stamina wasn't something to be surprised about.) A full day's worth of beachcombing was enough to untighten the breath and tire the body, so the quiet response was expected.

I felt my skin tingle as I walked past where Isabella- or the supposed Isabella- sat… More than the same sensation with not-Unabara. "...Body double?" I asked Index as she sat down, recalling what she'd said about her speciality, and she nodded in brief affirmation.

"It's really weird how espers can just tell if something magic is happening," she mused. "...Mmh."

I tilted my head in interest, but she shook her head slightly instead of continuing. Something to do with that pet theory about espers she'd mentioned, probably- she was a walking exposition dump usually, and that was the only significant reason I could think of that she wouldn't be.

I did wonder what exactly had gotten her fixated on the idea enough to keep her mouth closed while she thought it through.

Michan filed in next to me, followed by Sakibasu next to Index, with the boys and the other three quarters of Scavenger taking opposite seats. Given that we had incredible psychic powers, the slab was easy enough to pull into the vehicle behind us, and Michan shaped her liquid metal into a golem to fasten it (using the vehicle's own cargo seat-belt things) without having to bother with two people feeding the belts over the object.

"Ready to go, kiddies?" asked Isabella.

"Screw you, but yes," I agreed.

"Right, then!" she said. "Off we go~ London, here we come!"

The vehicle rumbled beneath us as a comfortable silence fell over the truck.

"...Wait," said Index, sitting up ramrod-straight. That put me on alert, and I looked at her with urgency. "If we're going straight to London… Does that mean we aren't buying rock candy at Brighton?!"

…Ah.

Michan proceeded to do almost the exact same thing. "Misaki- if we're not going to Brighton, we're not going to the proper sand-and-deck-chairs beach either!" she realised with dawning horror. "Which means no swimwear for you, no swimwear for me…!"

"I'd probably pick something close to the boring Tokiwadai swimsuits anyway," I deadpanned.

"Okay, yes, I was excited about that," she said, "since then you'd have a reason to go swimming with Misaka and your friends and- anyway, when I say swimsuits for me…" She paused, rummaging around in her bag.

She then promptly pulled out about three magazines which… from a glance at the covers, seemed to be nothing but swimsuit models.

Michan gestured at them, opening pages she'd folded over the corners on. Mostly guys, with the occasional girl or woman, which tended to be either people with a similar hair colour to her or short-haired brunettes.

I leaned past them, and raised an eyebrow. My bestie proceeded to deflate disappointedly at my lack of interest. "Never mind…" she sighed.

"I'm sure we'll get some time to visit Brighton before we head back," I responded to the two of them, and tried not to be concerned about the unholy glee that lit up in their eyes.

__________

We hadn't had enough daylight to get back to the primary hotel by the time we reached London, so we cancelled our booking in Portsmouth and got a new hotel to stay overnight. The slab was left in the truck, and fortunately, leaving something valuable in a truck overnight was perfectly okay even in London if it was a heavy-duty military vehicle and a few tons of rock that you were keeping in there.

It was morning now, and while we'd popped through one of the back entrances to drop off our payload- it wasn't uncommon for museums and other such facilities to have rear entrances that could get large objects into storerooms, as well as delivery entrances to resupply cafes, gift shops and the like- we hadn't really looked at the museum proper last night. Today, on the other hand, it was broad daylight, and we were using the front entrance.

In the United Kingdom, there were many museums. Bristol Museum, with its early aeroplane hanging overhead; the Liverpool Museum of Natural History, with the American totem and the skeleton of an enormous Quetzalcoatlus suspended near the glass elevator; the British Museum, with the Parthenon-like pillars at its entrance and the dizzying structure of the Great Court inside… But there was one entry hall that stood out, and that was the London Natural History Museum.

It was one of those vistas that came to mind when anybody thought 'museum'. For many years, Dippy the Diplodocus with his gently-sloping neck and enormous whip-tipped tail had stood watch over the entryway with a skeletal yet dopey smile, but now the bowed jaws and enormity of the bones of a blue whale had started its term as chief greeter to the past, present and future of the natural world. It was appropriate in many ways, I thought.

I gave the whale a lazy salute as the party we'd brought (Sakibasu, Scavenger and I) walked past both it and the slowly-moving museum patrons. We weren't here for tourism, not today anyway.

The Natural History Museum wasn't a major contributor to Britain's magical heritage, from what Index had advised me before heading out, so today was still an 'off day'. Its main function was in its form; many of the older museums in the UK were designed so as to invoke the idea of a Cathedral of Science, in the manner of being a heart of the culture around science, rather than the sort of Cathedral of Science you'd get if you taught architecture to an Academy City scientist.

The Anglicans had coopted these false cathedrals using Idol Theory to enhance various cathedral-related magics. Mostly representing 'domain of the Anglican Church' and whatnot.

We'd introduced ourselves briefly last night, and after getting the all-clear from the Museum's director (a man who seemed rather excited to have Academy City super-science- even if it was in the form of a few schoolgirls- in their palaeontology department for a little while), we moved to get the first steps of excavating the fossil done. This was mostly marking it out, noting down stress fractures that might be an issue later, checking for any detail we might accidentally remove during preparation, and so on.

Removing details during preparation was always a danger. For example, many three-dimensional fossils had been excavated from sandstone, which was believed to be too coarse to hold any details; however, more than a decade after the first feathered dinosaur discovery, an ostrich dinosaur in sandstone was found with beautifully-preserved feathers on its arms and body. Similarly, many chemical preparations could remove chemical information that only became identifiable years after the first preparation, and many fossils had been destroyed to sculpt 3D cutaway models before CAT scanners were invented to do it harmlessly.

That was why Sakibasu and I were such a boon for this particular valdosaur. She could map the details down to a chemical level non-invasively, while I could communicate that information to anyone helping us prepare.

In this case, we were simply using Sakuragi and her paper control as a buzzsaw and sander again, which had necessitated bribes due to being outside of her job description (and not especially entertaining besides) that we were happy to pay in museum gift-shop sweets and the promise of a Witch and Psychic starter deck or two to add to Scavenger and Index's bi-wheneverly assorted card games.

The latter had been because we were apparently basic bitches (to paraphrase). "You two don't have any style at all!" she'd announced, with eyes screwed up in frustration and stamping her feet. "You won't even let me put cool buzzsaw spikes on the buzzsaw! I demand a raise!"

Her complaints were perfectly valid despite their inanity, which was why- after she clarified that she didn't actually want a raise in her wages, just something cool right now- we did indeed accept her bribe request. I did make sure she wasn't under the impression that we'd bribe her for doing things that were official business or paid work, of course, but dinosaur stuff was entirely extraneous to that.

Between the time it took doing that, the breaks that Sakuragi took out of boredom (if Academy City had ethical standards she'd probably have been diagnosed with ADHD by now), and still having a lingering appetite from yesterday, I had lunch in the cafe fairly early. Just a cheese toastie, though, since the Misakas back at New Nuneham had texted us to say there'd be a big dinner.

It was while I was in the cafe, pondering if I could get permission to go for a stroll around the basem*nt and check for any water exposure that could harm the specimens, when a familiar face appeared from the crowd.

I had plenty of time to finish my meal though, due to her briefly being accosted by a helpful individual drawing the conclusion from her clothing that she was a chunni planning to see the 'Predators of the World' temporary exhibit they had at the moment. Eventually, though, Kanzaki extracted herself from the advice and managed to approach me.

"Miss Shokuhou," said my favourite Saint and Index-wrangler (even if I only knew one Saint and the only other Index-wrangler was Magnus), trying to pretend that the previous five minutes hadn't happened, but otherwise in a fair mood. Honestly, she should have expected results like this from going into a museum with ripped jeans and a katana on her hip.

"Miss Kanzaki," I responded politely with a nod. "A pleasure to see you again. I saw that the protection charm things are up and running?"

"Yes," she agreed. "That's very good, since you'll be able to explore more freely now…" Then she paused oddly- self-consciously, if I was reading her right.

"Anything in particular I need to see?" I asked, pressing slightly.

"...I would greatly appreciate it if you could visit the Necessarius womens' dorms this evening before you retire for the night," she said. "We couldn't understand the instructions on the washing machine, and I can only keep Orsola away from it for so long. I fear what will happen if she uses it unsupervised."

"Hmm," I replied, and took a sip of my tea (I'd gone for ginger and lemon today). "Orsola being…?"

Kanzaki considered how to explain it. "She's a famous nun who recently joined the Anglican Church," she said. "She has preached in many different pagan countries on behalf of the Catholic Church, and is an expert decoder. She can extract magical information hidden in artefacts such as paintings or books. While her empathy and bravery are without doubt, her common sense is… lacking."

"Ah," I said, nodding, though my gaze held rather than drop the subject.

"Consider if someone were to have the personality of Miss Hokaze," explained Kanzaki, "but behaved like Miss Ai… except rather than being a superficial appearance- ah, I know that Miss Ai is very attentive…"

"It's fuzziness all the way down?" I offered, and she nodded. "Right, yeah- I can understand why you'd not want her to be first on a machine you can't understand. Sure, it'll only take… maybe fifteen minutes at most? And it sounds like an interesting building to take a look around, as much as I'd expect my access to be restricted."

"So long as we've prepared for the visit, there should be no real restrictions," Kanzaki offered. "It's common practice in British magical tradition to leave certain places weakly-defended, so far as I can tell; if the individuals residing there are of high enough power, then no further defence is needed, and the appearance of weakness will cause any foes to make a mistake in assaulting it. So your presence would not disrupt anything. It's similarly the case for Buckingham Palace, where the Royal Family stay for most of the year."

"...Huh," I said thoughtfully.

In honesty, while the incongruence of 'Royal Family' and 'weakly-defended' did catch my attention, I wasn't really thinking of Britain. Rather, I was thinking of Academy City.

I could see the strategy working in their own context, but in the context of the city of science, it just wouldn't fly. Especially not as I was familiar with security- the ever-present anti-telepathic fields, humming away in the background, doing their best to deter me from making any moves on whatever lay behind them. Making things look defenceless seemed the furthest thing from a practical approach when your enemy was… well, me.

But on the other hand, all this encryption and cognitohazards and stuff- it wouldn't have just appeared out of nowhere. And back when this year's messes were just starting out, when we were dealing with Level Upper… Dr Kiyama's own lack of knowledge about my threat profile, the lack that had made me less notable than Misaka in her eyes, had kept her safe from me.

(Or, at least, uninterrupted. Her motives had never really made me a danger to her, per-say.)

Part of my assumptions that Academy City couldn't be 'that bad' had been based on the simple fact that I did enough random scientist-check scans to have a semi-reasonable idea of what was happening. Yet… if one of the four major factions of the secret world were using a strategy as bold as 'do nothing, then use force if that fails' in places they lay their heads…

Wasn't it possible that my own ignorance had been a successful defence in a similar manner? Partial encryptions, 'don't think elephant' mnemonics, stuff like that?

"That's a really interesting way of doing things," I added, and took a sip of my tea. "Not the sort of strategy I'd have used. Or thought of, really."

"It does require a certain mindset to implement," Kanzaki replied. "But it seems to be effective."

I switched subject. "Want a lemonade or anything while we're here?" I asked. "Lunch?"

"No, thank you, I ate before I left," she said. "I've recently managed to make umeboshi-" Pickled plums. "-and I'd like to see if they've been successful. I'm saving my appetite." Their production was a fairly slow process, as pickling tended to be. "A lemonade would be pleasant, though."

"Makes sense," I replied. "Have it on me, I don't use my money for anything anyway."

After the standard dance of 'are you sure?' and 'I don't want to impose' and 'no, no, it's fine', we sat back down, me with a refill of my tea and her with lemonade. "The matter that I was instructed to discuss… You have an invitation to a ball, in a few days," said Kanzaki.

I raised an eyebrow. "A ball?" I asked. "Like…?"

"Yes- one of the fancy events of the local nobility and well-to-do," confirmed Kanzaki. "Such events, in our context, are mostly held by the Knights faction. In fact, the Knight Leader is rather insistent in inviting me…" She paused, coughed, and moved on. "Various groups attend these balls, but due to the security needs with your own presence, and the implication of a spar, in this case it would only be those aware of the Magic Side."

I hummed again. "Interesting. Not the sort of thing I usually do, but if I've been invited…" I recalled my conversation with Archbishop Lola. "What do you actually do at a ball, anyway?" I asked.

The Saintess looked awkwardly away. "...I, ah, haven't attended such an event myself yet," she said, with the 'yet' clearly being a lie. "...But I would be more than happy to accompany you, of course! It would be pleasant for us both to have a familiar face in such a scene."

"Ah, thank you. Which of us are invited?" I asked.

"As an heiress, Miss Sakibasu has a separate invitation," said Kanzaki, though I got the impression she was slightly baffled why there wasn't just one big invitation. "With Miss Kouzaku and, ah, 'Scavenger', being implicitly invited by the number of guests permitted. I suspect that I might need to attend with Index, and that she might appreciate the food."

I chuckled. "Well, can't argue with that," I agreed. In all honesty her presence would probably be to the advantage of the rest of us. She didn't really care about propriety, and her gluttony would certainly distract from any poor etiquette the rest of us did.

Not that I was lacking in etiquette training, but Tokiwadai's lessons on the matter were boring and not something I had much reason to bother with.

Mind made up, I gave her one last nod. "I expect we'll be accepting that invite, I'll double-check with everyone else before I give anything official, of course," I agreed. "See you there?"

She replied with the sort of smile that you'd see from the second-to-last girl on the netball bench might give after being picked. Not the sort that was happy to go to the ball, but happy that her first trip wouldn't be her own debut alone. "I'll see you there," she replied with a nod. "I will see what might be needed before you visit the dorms today. Have a good day, Miss Shokuhou."

"You too," I said.

A ball, huh?

"...Michan," I muttered to myself once Kanzaki was out of earshot (assuming she wasn't too superhuman), "is going to have a field day with this…"

I paused.

"Eh," I said to myself, and shrugged, before downing the last of my tea. "She deserves a win once in a while. Guess we're going to be going clothes-shopping, then."